Turkey, Pink Eye, H1N1, Rings, and The Death Book..

And so the day began. Thanksgiving. A day where people stuff their faces and plan on how they will spend their money the next day at the Black Friday sales. Well, that is generally how it goes, add in a football game here and there. And Thanksgiving it was indeed. My alarm clock went off an hour late and so plans to bleach my teeth with a 2 hour whitening kit were foiled. So, I bleached for an hour, got ready, and climbed into the car to head to my grandmother's house for the epic event called Thanksgiving.

(-So, let's give a little pre-event background information. Every major holiday event, someone will grimace at any dessert or dish that s/he didn't make. Apparently s/he thinks s/he is Betty Crocker/Emeril. Trying to keep the person anonymous. So, as a standing pact, my sister, my cousin, and I refuse to eat anything that s/he makes. S/he is basically an alcoholic and we thought that if we made a dessert with alcohol in it, s/he would devour it. The conclusion to that story is coming up. So that is some background info for that person. Here is some more. Another standing tradition for big events is for people who are sick with some contagious disease to show up anyway, regardless of their fever or condition. This occurred this year with one of the cousins. She herself had H1N1 and her child, one of the three, had pink eye. Pink Eye and H1N1. Perfect. Mix in a college student on the brink of finals around those contagions and you've got the script for a disaster.)

So let's continue. As we were driving up we were trying to see if the sickies were going to be there. Turns out they were. Great. I thought about grabbing the Purell. When we pulled up, we were greeted by one of the infected. I kept my distance. We walked in, I ever so slowly, after shoveling past their beast of a dog (Cousin's dog).

(-They all live on the same road. My grandmother and granddaddy, their son and his 2nd wife, his daughter and her husband and the three kids, and then my grandmothers brother.)

When we entered, I stayed in the kitchen, avoiding the living room where the rest of the infected sat. I wanted to fix my plate before all of the food was breathed on. A key strategy to avoid catching an illness. My other cousin and I exchanged glances, famous glances that let each other know that we both knew the situation and understood that it was going to be a long day. My family is famous for these such glances. Speaking a thousand words without ever opening our mouths. We brought in our desserts, the alcohol cake (Kahlua Cake) and the Pumpkin Cheesecake which looked bought, but was hand crafted and baked by my sister, and the Chocolate Chip pie, which I baked, and which also finally turned out correct on the third try. The others arrived late bringing the food which we knew was not to be touched. Part of the embargo act which we thought up last Christmas. And so the lunch began.....

I chose not to sit at the little table with the children because I thought it would be too risky, with them being exposed to disease and all. Therefore, I sat by my cousin, the one without H1N1 and 3 children. The only one to graduate from college out of all the grandchildren thus far, and being younger than the others. The relative who sat on my open side actually ruined my appetite with his post cigarette breath, a new habit which had just been discovered. He must have picked it up from his 2nd wife, who is literally poison to the family. So I ate quickly and got up, asking my cousin, the graduate, to accompany me on a walk outside in the cold air. We walked, my sister joined us, and we attempted to avoid the beast dog, but to no avail. I quickly returned indoors because of my ladybug phobia but soon after returned outdoors only to return indoors again because of the cold and the bore.

Dessert time. Or rather, I think dessert was immediately after lunch. Hmm. So what happened next? Conversation? Yes, and the viewing of the Black Friday sales ads. And so we all sat (My cousin, my sister, my aunt, and my mom) around a table conversing and looking at sales. This is when my other cousin, the H1N1 infected one, came to the table, knowing she was sick, after moving from the couch where she had been reclining in an ever so infected way. I lowered my breathing, applauding myself for applying this preventative illness gel to my nose holes. She began asking me my H1N1 symptoms, yes, I have had the disease, and they were a match. I incredulously looked at her, hoping she would get up and get out. She decided to stay, and join in the conversation, all the while bringing her pink eye baby ever closer. I could hold my breath no longer and jumped up and moved. Allowing someone else to take my place as I stood from a distance.

They talked about Michael Jackson, Scientology, how Tom Cruise wanted to eat Katie Holm's placenta, and how an Imogen Heap song had been desecrated by a rapper. And then my grandmother came in with some rings. She brought in her old rings, which she could no longer wear, in order to distribute them to her granddaughters. She let the oldest pick first and continued down the line until it got to my little sister. And so, the oldest cousin, the one with H1N1, was able to pick first. Undeservingly, she picked the prettiest ring. A set of two, the one my sister had been eyeing. Then my other cousin, the graduate, chose next, picking a pretty horseshoe shaped ring. Then my sister, picking her next favorite one, and then my little sister, who thought the whole thing was a joke and appeared really ungrateful. It was after this that the death book was brought up.

The death book is a scrap book that my grandmother has kept for years. However, instead of scrapbook containing photos and cute memorabilias which preserved memories from the past, it was filled with obituaries, in an ever so organized system. Yet not just the obituaries of people in the family, but obituaries of anyone who she knew or knew that we knew and so on. It is a morbid book, but also interesting in an odd sort of way. It's like a history book of everyone she ever knew. A Black List? Except they are already dead. We joked about who would receive the book and have to keep up its record keeping throughout the generations.

OH! I almost forgot to finish the story that I hinted at in the beginning. Okay, so what foods did this someone grimace at, and did s/he devour the Kahlua cake out of his/her love of alcohol? The answer to these questions are yes and no. S/he grimaced and refused to eat the desserts we cooked, including the Kahlua cake, and I even have a dialogue for the grimace!

Grandmother: "Oh, you should try this cake! It's so good. It is a Kahlua cake!"

Someone: -snurling the nose "Ew, no."

That must have taken an effort. But yeah, I urged my parents that we should leave because I really needed to get back and work on one of the 4 papers that I need to work on. And so we left and ended the day. And now I am too tired to recount the events anymore so I am going to stop typing. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Until Next Time.....