Poop, Sex, and the Death of Relationships

     I'm back again, mainly because something struck me as hilarious as I was watching Sex and the City. There's an episode from the second season where the girls are talking about doing "number two" in a significant other's apartment. What also is funny is how concepts that are brought up and discussed from the time period of the show, the early 90's, either continue to be discussed things, or have become the norm.
     But before we talk about ideas and society changing between decades, let's tackle the "number two" issue. So, everyone poops. If we didn't we'd die. I'm just going to be honest and say that I'm rather fantastic at doing it, seeing as I go a lot more than most. If you are around someone you really like or are really comfortable with, shouldn't you feel comfortable enough to poop? I remember once when I was a freshman in high school I had someone tell me, "You don't look like the kind of person who poops." My response, "Are you kidding me? I go all the time! In fact, I need to go right this very minute." Let's just say, a friendship blossomed out of a mutual sharing of our bowel movements. But honestly, did they think that I seemed too perfect to poop? It's like the whole entertaining thought that girls don't use the bathroom. They're much to proper for that, which we all know is wrong.
     But back to Sex and the City. Carrie had just gotten comfortable enough to leave behind objects in her boyfriends apartment, including a deuce, flushed of course. Her revealing of this had the other girls shocked in which one of them confessed to having ran to the lobby on a weekend getaway every time she needed to take out the trash. While I'm a huge advocate of letting things go, I'm also one to participate in perpetual holding due to the whole stigma of "pooping."
    So really, if everyone does this, why are we all so embarrassed about it and go to great lengths to keep it a secret? Here's a scenario: You are invited over to a dinner party with a group of friends and in the middle of the dinner you get the urge to go. Clearly there are two options: go or hold. However, if you go, you feel like you have to hurry because if you are in there too long they'll all know. If you hold it, you'll be at the table with chills, unable to set still, and unable to take another bite. So what's a person to do? Let's entertain both scenarios.
    GO#1: You excuse yourself from the table and go to the restroom. Thinking you are going to make it a quick affair you end up using all of the toilet tissue in a little situation I like to call the "wipe forevers." At this point you've been gone too long and you return with the walk of shame.
    GO#2: You excuse yourself from the table claiming that you need to take a call from your non-buzzing phone. No one will notice right? So you go to the restroom and take care of your business. You come back to the table and rejoin the conversation like nothing ever happened.
    Hold#1: You decide against going and decide to hold it. You get chills, try and hide the slight shaking of your hands as you bring another bite of potatoes to your un-wanting lips. Through wave after wave of "contractions" you suffer until finally they subside. You feel relieved and one of your friends tells a hilarious joke. Upon your burst of laughter, you shart. Game over.
    Hold#2: Upon deciding to hold it, you know you have to release some of the pressure that has been building. So when everyone is laughing at the table, you smile and allow some air to slide around and out, just hoping that the aromas of the food are enough to hide the scent of your EOTF (an acronym coined by my mother, "end of turd fart.") The strategy works and you are able to make it through the dinner and make an unnoticed getaway later and take care of business.
    The best thing you can do around your friends is to establish that it is safe to discuss pooping with each other, and to be open about when you have to go. Trust me, you'll become better friends. Some of the best friends I have ever made were due to sharing poop stories. Gross I know, but it's honest and isn't that what you want out of a friendship anyway?
    So next is the society changes or rather constants. The main one I want to discuss is the existence of the relationship. In the same episode Carrie questions whether or not they were evolving, whether or not the relationship is still a viable option or something that would be fizzled out altogether. Even now in 2011 that's as good a question as any. First we would need to really define what a relationship is, but even that is difficult because I feel like it has changed, or rather there are so many different kinds that it's hard to really place everyone in one category. Let's define some categories
    There's the friends with benefits, hook ups, domestic partnerships, and the list goes on and on. More and more I see people using each other for sex, which is part of this whole "hook-up" culture and no strings attached attitude everyone has. While there are those that still want to develop a relationship and be traditional, I feel like this is becoming less and less common. Expectations have changed, and females seem to be as aggressive as males when it comes to finding someone. Have we all just become desperate?
     I'm single so I can't really dish relationship advice, so I just observe... a lot. Because I'm in college I see a lot of things, and hear a lot of talk. Let me just say, I'm happy to be single and not interested in any sort of relationship. I'm a pre-med student with years of schooling left to complete. I don't have time for it, which leads me to my next point. Have relationships faded because we become consumed in our careers? If everyone is so busy all the time, it's really a no brainer why people hook up occasionally. Relationships take time to develop, time most don't have, especially since the economy is bad and the job market grim. In fact, we're all SO busy and SO desperate, we have to use online dating services to just find a spouse. But I have to say, some of the success rates look promising ;) .
    So what's the solution to these problems? Tell the world that you poop. Poop at your friends houses and in the middle of parties. Warn them not to go in there for a while. And last but not least, share a poop story on your online dating profile. I'm pretty sure you'll eventually find a spouse. It shows you have a sense of humor, and that you're healthy!