Today I began to think of my future. It's something I think everyone should do every now and then, but also something one shouldn't dwell on. I've had a strange desire to go to Portland, Oregon. I don't know if I've said this before on here, but there was something that felt right about it. When I think about it and say it in my mind, it's like the last piece of the puzzle falls into place. At least it did until today.
It is the spring semester of my junior year at Rhodes and on May 31, 2012 I will take the MCAT. Many of my friends are signed up for the class and are currently taking it, but I thought paying a few thousand dollars to prep for an exam was a bit extreme when I can study on my own right? But besides the MCAT there are also a host of other things to worry about. It is my last semester to get my GPA up before I apply to medical school and then there is the whole application process to undertake. There is literally so much to do and so little time.
But back to Portland. Instead of studying for my Financial Accounting exam, I started to do some research on this alluring city. I wanted to check out the housing market just to get a grasp on how much it costs to live there. The results were that it is incredibly expensive. Since I wouldn't plan on living there any time too soon, this wasn't too big of a deal just yet. However, trying to figure out areas and neighborhoods made me realize just how big Portland is and just how much I don't know about it, and the unknown is terrifying to me. So I began to back out on this heartfelt desire.
It was then that I realized that I was getting ahead of myself. I was thinking too far into the future. I was reaching for a buoy from the bottom of the ocean. The weight of everything between that buoy and I began to crush me, sparking an anxiety attack. "What if I never make it?" I thought. The fear of the foreign and the unknown invaded my thoughts. "What if I get trapped here?"
Entrapment is something we should all fear. Settling, getting too comfortable. Being comfortable is easy, pushing yourself to new places and into the unknown is a hard thing to do, and something I strive for. I've done it twice in my life already. I moved schools when I was young and left everything I knew for something I didn't. I chose a college where I knew no one, in a city I'd never visited before. I should be able to do it again right?
Each time I chose the road less traveled, I found something great at the end of it. This is what I told myself to beat my anxiety. I'll take it one day at a time. With each and every day that passes, a piece of my life puzzle finds a spot to fit. There's no way I can predict what my last piece will be, but I can try to grab great pieces along the way.
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